See my website for more details: www.counselling.gen.nzMarriage and couples' counselling, plus individualsI am a member of the NZ Association of Counsellors and a Director in the organisation Counselling and Psychotherapy Associates located at 1 Thorndon Quay.I am on the Family Court list for couples, whether married, in civil union or in de facto relationships, who can obtain free counselling sessions with me through the Family Court.Most of my work is with couples who are wanting to improve and deepen their relationship, or have somehow become disconnected, maybe through bickering or fighting, just grown apart and lost their way together, and might be trying to save their relationship.My work with couples uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) approach which focuses on changing neqative behaviour patterns or cycles that drive couples that are very common in stressed relationships.The most common cycle occurs when one partner demands, criticises and gets angry and the other partner defends and withdraws. This is called the "pursue-withdraw" pattern.Pursuers who are experienced by their partners as nagging, criticising or blaming and angry, are protesting about loss of connection or unfairness, of not being heard or valued or appreciated, and want their partner to respond, be attentive and hear them. When this happens the other partner, the withdrawer, tends to pull away, which is experienced by the pursuer as "rejection, not caring and shutting them out". Withdrawers often report feeling criticised, controlled, inadequate, "whatever I do in never good enough", or "numbed out", and their pulling away is usually therefore some form of trying to protect themselves or not make the disconnection and conflict any worse (from inside the withdrawer’s experience). But to the pursuer it just seems to confirm the "not-being-there, not caring, not hearing", and in fact it just makes things worse! And the more one partner does what they do, the more the other partner does what they do…round and around!EFT work initially helps couples reframe and de-escalate their conflict, find more safety, and recognise their underlying emotions and positions in the cycle.From there they learn to reconnect, ask for what they need, and consolidate new cycles of mutual acceptance, trust, safety, comfort and emotional connection.Please contact me if you would like to make an appointment or would like to just discuss making one...